Friday, November 26, 2010

Shambhalah (aka bass warship worship)

It was a beautiful now.
A wow kind of moment.
The air, thick with thoughts and groovers,
disguised itself humidly
in the lungs of mass movers.

Vinyl folds and and vans as shacks
Whole lives carried on backs
Lovers with no future
Kids with no past
Lets writhe in crazed praise to the glorious stacks
all dedicated
never to last

We make masks into windows
in reveling we let our selfs bloom
minds sprouting beyond plumage and petals
far past all the places caressed by the moon
homes we were from once
We are people moved
Who have been tuned
hearts transfixed and gripped by the

And we make waves
we make oceans of sweat
as we misbehave.
We make love, and find love and mostly
we play.
Joyfully losing that real world,
it's hours and days and conventional ways,
We just drift
floating now in forever
into one another
and out the others.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

oh and, for the record

i've completely fallen in love with a mexican

rippin' the pain away

I've decided to give in to the pharmaceutical company.
that means i have to fill out a form for the nwt government telling them where i am
for how long
and find out just how to ask them
"what legal business did you guys have me doped up on when i was hurting back home?"
then go book a doctors appointment
then go to it
then talk more about my back
to another doctor
who knows nothing about me
other than what my file says
about what i was givin why for how long with what results
facts from other people
who "know best"
(not who know ME best, or know ME at all, even in spite of any number of true fact i dish out)
then at the end of all this
will give me narcotics
or muscle relacents
or anti inflamitories
or any combination
of all of the above
until i don't feel the pain eating me inside out
from all over
and under
and around my back
until even if i do feel some pain
i really just wont care anymore either way
so why does it matter
because i'd rather be mostly pain free and myself then numb and hazy and gone
if i had maybe an oz a day to consume i could self medicate to the point of awesome
if i had maybe an oz more faith in the system i'd be professionally medicated to the point of mediocrity and head down shyness.
Maybe i'll do what i did last time and save them for the bad days where i'd be bed ridden and non-functioning anyhow
days like today where even sitting typing this is pulling on parts of my spine i didn't even think could be so simply stimulated
i'm just a ball of sensitivity
in all parts of my life
if i were an organ or a body part
i'd be the clit
one insanely sensitive super friendly bundle of nerves and pleasure-release
yep thats clittle ole me
gaddang you can tell you're in the vagina monologues wheeen
also you can tell when you were raised on bugs bunny and pun driven cartoon diatribe when
i just hurt in such an unreachable unhappy back-centric place all the time
when it flairs up like this i get so angry that i'm not tough
i can stand everyday back pain but this isn't anything i can just streach out crack then ignore for eight hours till i can have my beautiful bong back in my arms
there is a 15 min window
post bong rip
and its a magical pain free place where i function and feel at the same time
but thanks in part to the law and in part to my wallet
i can never ever live there
only visit
and then go about with this real world thing
when i cut out pills six months ago i had so much cash
so much just from my own saving
that i was able to smoke to my hearts content
which was about an oz every two days
and you know what?
i noticed my back pain 15 times
15 times in 6 months
thats just NOTICING not even a flair up like this
and that was while i was back packing around canada for two months
i donno
i just think something is up, when i know what works for me
and what fucks me up
and the people in charge are handing me the ladder.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Womb (my own vagina monologue)

My vagina is a place in my chest.
The Womb Room
From within it
I am brimming,
Glowing with giving energy.
An out poor of love
dripping over my finger tips
until my once flowy attire
gives my means a more womanly end
by soaking and sticking to the curviest parts of my bends.

That's my first secret
A Woman
Disspite all my efforts to push myself into the realm of
Indipendant wild child
free as a bird loony loopy on grass
I am just a woman.
And inside that
Just an average little girl
with an all consuming need to care
and be cared for
to be really
CARE of.

That would be secret number two.
My biggest, and only real fear
Is no one will ever love me the way I need
the way I love the people I'm near.

High standards
Low inhibitions
High as a kite
Low voice
High libido
Low confidence
A para dime
spinning endlessly through my ages
scratching my history out onto pages.

This almost leads to secret three.
No matter my contradictions
this combat boot and paisley persona
is held semi sane and together by a code.
Keeping me woman
Leading me to love
Bringing me to give and keep playing and existing in joy
Listen closely
as the code will not be repeated and should probably be headed
if you feel my company is needed.

Anything not physically attached to you (and in the case of the kidney, or blood maybe still actually apart of you) can likely be of more use to someone else. unless it warms your heart when you hold or use this item- the joy it brings the recipient is worth the loss. Possessions foster possessiveness. Imagine the look on a stranger or friends face, when they find some thing they'd wanted or lost had been replaced.

Love- When there is someone to admire, respect, who you react to well, feel good about and around, and generally enjoy completely, there will never be enough to give. You'd deliver the world. Love is a prismatic poly-rhythmic being. pulsing and shimmering like hearts caught in its mists. hands held in cozy mitts, tender kisses on cheeks or lips or playing with more naughty bits silly lines as poetic as this
love weather platonic or passionate it's the

Play- music, games, jokes, tricks, with words and your food. If it cracks a smile and no (upset) tears are shed it's better let out!. fun matches the drapes, the counter tops and those shoes your wearing so keep at it! Moments of pure joy grow rare as more responsibilities are added to our lives. following bliss to other worlds, jungle gyms, or dance halls will keep your mind young and your heart alive. play tag with your inhibitions, catch them once in a while- and love them too, once you do.

Be- Remember, you're not your body, you're a spirit. So just EXISTS every now and again. your mind can only expand as far as you'll let it. realize that you are everything, and anything is yours.

Always Seek Outward- Find the truth and all it's limited answers. Push to the edges of the known in anything that interests you. There is a reason for everything, especially your curiosities and talents. The universe is ever expanding, follow suit!

Always Seek Inward- You are everything. the key to the world is much in you and it is in the stars. unlock the mind and the all will follow.

Believe- Knowing that everything is all else, you now know the truth of self- and can tap into that harmony and change the world simply, directly.

This whimsical moral sripture

these three secrets

have turned me from a girl to a woman

my simple childish vagina
into this intangible womb
a cacoon
transforming and enhancing the few who coax their way inside
no matter my heart
if all of this is true
then none of it matters

If all of this is true than none of it matters.