Monday, July 4, 2011


I love my husband
he fills me with peace and happieness like no one i´ve ever met
i didn´t think one person could be responsible for such joy, but he is

yesturday i was upset about the whole situation with my ex, not only did he put it into perspective, he also defuesd the upset in me
as a bonus he was open to me about his feelings of upset towards how worked up thomas gets me

Rodrigo is the best man i´ve ever met. he´s the best person i´ve met, i think
i cant think of anyone who feels as comfortable and cozy with me as he does
i love that
i love that all these feelings are still so amazing and new, but it feels as if he´s been in my life forever
i do not know a time before him
before this happieness
i love that
how one persons love, can completly change your world

Saturday, July 2, 2011


I´ve been back home for three days and i am already shanking with anger
thomas has spun a web of lies around my good name that i, in my happy married cloud, barely saw coming
by taking the high road and not telling people why i left him hes been able to fill in any blanks with anything that suits the truth he´s trying to project
and i can understand him insulting me, it seems to be his habit at this point, but to say Jaimee should die, i want to go to her party boo hoo, well fuck
what am i suposed to do?
obviously i ignored him, until his trerrible festering self just spouted off enough enfuriating lies to pull me in
he makes me feel so weak
so aweful
like a flu
already the awesome time i´ve had with ben and dan and gere and adem and jaimee and my wonderful manlove have been ignored in this entry
because of that stpuid barger in er  of my happy town
i have half a mind to publish the texts and messages he´s sent me
just so other people know how aweful he is,
and how crule he is to his friends
but again i take the high road
i cant stand him
i know i will vomit when i go to get my things

Monday, June 6, 2011


¨Since my world met yours
It has only known wonder
How could I be so lucky
To have caught such a lover¨

When I think of chemicals
or drugs and dopamine
I wonder what it is he does to me
And what we´ve been discovering
A found rush
A deep wave
Ancient quivering and tickles 
From the softest spaces in my soul.
The pure pleasure he invokes,
It´s only his touch
But I could live in it.

Beyond a home
with him I've made worlds.
Flung future selves flying towards
And freedom.
He is my perpetual adventure machine
Energy and insight abound.

Inside I am almost six again
Singing just to vibrate more
Smiling for no reason
Kissing to pause the rush of today
In endless hope of wonder filled tomorrow
I am in love
With a man
With my life

¨I´ve walked wholly into love it seems
With a mystical man
Who can manifest dreams¨

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

rainy day as a house wife

I love my life. even on days that would have been utterly depressing and lonely to the old me (even the me of just a year ago)  i find my self as happy as if it were still sunny out. It seems Vancouver just can´t let go of rain.
even YELLOWKNIFE is nicer than here...which is just...wrong
either way i´m going home in a month
when its hot as hell here
and nice as anything there

i just house wifed it up today. sorted and washed some clothes for the move, cleaned the lint trap, played with and cleaned up after the puppy (Her name is Lucy Dimond (like the song) and i lubs herr) ate some cheese and picked up some supplies for life from the store/the corner.
i´m going to miss this calm routine of house work and puttering around during the day
having a job after not working, or even doing anything for this long is going to be so weird
like when i came back from my two months off last year
it was a bit different because i had a new position
this time its going to be a take any job (at least to begin with) and work it for all its worth kinda situation
which doesnt worry me in itself but just the aspect of working at a dead endish type job, even for big bucks
even just for a year
kiiiiinda crushes my soul, just a little. Co-op was so bad for that. but no job is fun all the time. Even working at wallys, no matter how awesome, was still pretty rough sometimes
but with the food industry thats at least expected
that you´ve like a 40-60 fun to grind ratio
i just like that you´re so busy you dont even notice where the day goes

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Summertime mostly

I've slacked so much on the internets this year
i think it's because i've been working so hard at real life
i have a wonderful husband, no job yet, but soon i'll be back in yk and i'll be able to change that
i've worked a bit on my creative per suites, but mostly just baking and home making
it'd be soul crushing to most people but i love baking
and being tidy is a new adventure i dont mind embarking in at all
i did the vagina monologues back in February

there's the link to both acts, i'm the cunt in the second half
the password to view both is vagina
My meximan went and he yells cunt so loud ahah
i love how supportive he is
he's so amazing
he's actually down stairs making me breakfast right now
siiigh oh married life

it's funny i think i'm the only girl in the world who has gotten three marriage proposals from the same man, and said yes each time
in the first one i used my jedi mind tricks on him after a meeting with an immigration consultant made it clear the easiest way for us to be together for the long run (and not have to have us running back and forth between mexico and canada) was to marry. It was at AnW. Through a mouthful of bacon and egger. :D so romantic
the second time was at a beautiful park, during a perfect date, with a bowl and a kiss
and the third was at a dinner with both our families so he could ask for my hand, which is apparently the traditional Mexican way of doing things. it was so cute, he wanted to give me a ring pop (because of my deep unwavering love of all things sugary) but his mom had already found a ring in mexico that was in his budget. he did put chocolate in the container that the ring was in though :) cause he loves me
he met and got along with my family and friends too
the wedding happened so fast
and so suddenly
that when i told most people (which was on april fools day, unfortunately) they thought it was a prank
by the time my last name on facebook  changed it was a month later and everyone could see how in love we are.
How genuine this union is.

I went to Whistler too, and it's weird. Kindof has the same vibe as this one (really fake feeling) little town near calgary called Windsor i think. It's pretty, and surrounded by amazing nature but it's a town MADE for tourists. It's like a single serving, step ford dream land. a retreat with all the necessary comforts, for the right price.
it's pretty gross.....until you walk even two minutes out side of town.
then the natural life that's suppressed inside the small cities is alive and over grown and amazing.
the trees were incredible. i haven't got to play in trees like that since i went to Gabriola Island last spring. that place was gorgeous, i'll need to go there before i go home. 

I can't believe how much has changed since i've left.How much i've come into my own. I'm afraid of going back, just because now it's obvious how much it stunted my personal development. It's helped me be wild though, or maybe the city's done that. either way my friends are fantastic, and i miss them like crazy.
i miss making money too.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


How purple is your heart
how tender are you
how bruised
and who
has done the abusing

I am as obviously violet as I've invited anyone to infer
from the haze in my lungs
to my yarn ball locks
I'm living
I'm healing
I'm giving
I'm indigoing

My skin is sensitive like me,
to tickles and touches
to fondness and fuckery
but this poor purple hearts been placed
in hands as fuzzy
as my day time wonder-ponder-wanders

I'm in love with his radiation
with his air, his brain, his skin, his sex, his laugh, his touch, his spirit
and face.
His hansom body and face.
His deliberate and sincere manner has me transfixed
my world is more than rosy
it is as electrically pink as the sunsets we've imagined
onto the wall and windows
and other worlds

all these pretty perfects points,
and the addition of his purely honest love
have cumulated to a sum
greater than awe
something more equal to Borealis in august
when the sun still forgets what it should be doing and when
and my whole day
and night and life
are just colourful

Monday, January 17, 2011

The reviewers eye sifts outward(1)

Georgie Fame And the birthday big band, LIVE- Energetic, ubbeat, and deliciously Jazzy Fame plays not only the songs you WANT to here (the ballad of bonnie and clyde, and the song that leaf me to him, Yeh Yeh!) but also covers standard big band tunes like Gershwins strike up the band. Not only up lifting, this album is pump upping. The sax man wails like no other, the Fame man himself croons on almost every track, but does invite a few notable guests to sing along. totally worth a listen, buy, rent, or even a pirate off the ole waves of the internets. just listen to the thing. fuck.
Robin Williams (the bong)- SO CUTE! it's Blue and make me Giggle, just like the regular fuzzier kind of Robin Williams. It's perfect for crystal rips, as it is tiny and smooth like zee behbeh bum. Best part? I bought it from a flea market, and even haggled the man. He was pretty nice and tried to sell me bigger bongs, but dang man, there was something beautiful and simple and perfect about Mr. Williams (the bong...though the man does indeed have his charms)
and Flic my Bic Lighters- While their cool and are a good easy way to recognize your lighter they're never one of a kind and are really just another device. I like them though, they're pretty cute. However, if you've got my bad habit of fidgeting and picking at plasticky stuff you're likely to peel it right off. Every time i buy a flicmybic i just want to go and paint my own lighters and encase them in a force field of clear tape. I did it a few times and it was so sweet, but i've givin all my paints away. I could maybe use paper and kinda make my own sticker kindof a deal
not bad brain
way to problem solve
bic company 0
artists 1

Saturday, January 8, 2011


I miss my meximan!
going to bed without him beside me is disappointing for three reasons
i don't get to sex him
i don't get to touch him
and i don't get to wake up next to him
i want all of him all the time
but both of us are too calm to be desperate about our greed
well that at legality/distance/time are keeping us apart right now
the mother fucking dumb ass fuck twat of a government deported him
his student VISA was good, and is still good for six years, but his student PERMIT is only valid 3 months at a time
and it fucked shit up
thanks to bureaucratic bullcrap

Saturday, January 1, 2011

this years ten

Every year at this time i write a list of ten things that i either want to happen, or that i think will happen
i have to go home before i can reveiw last years ten
but i think it was the least successful of them all
mostly cause europe was a bust
but i did manage to pull it off alright
this year is so drastically different than the last
its new and shiny at i am at peace not in turmoil with me
last night
a boy, his eyes, his vibes, and his brain, had me way to ensnared
we had an entire conversation with just our eyes
and i had to run away from him
in fear of losing what i have (and am far to excited about) with rodrigo
if he is meant to be a bigger part of my life, he will appear in it again, and then i can freak out and worry about my moral character or where my heart may or may not lay
if not, i have infanate happiness in the arms of rodrigo
but anyway
that ten of 2011

1. Write 20 new songs
2. Start writing short stories again
3. Paint a HUGE beautiful piece for the house
4. Graduate pastry school with flair, not mediocrity
5. Make WAY TOO MUCH money at 420, cookie wise
6. Get over thomas' bullshit
7. Start playing gigs in van
8. find out what i want to do with myself post-school, and do it, right
9. Fall more in love with rodrigo
10. Be happy